Almost a month ago, Ashtin and I broke up. In lieu of our separation, I wrote this:
As I look back
on the past year
and memories flash
before my mind's eye,
I remember what
we went through.
I remember what
you meant to me,
what we use to be.
And I realize
that I wouldn't
change a thing,
or take back
any of the
dreams
words
jokes
laughs
smiles
kisses.
What we had was
beautiful.
What we shared was
wonderful.
What we were was
magical.
You made me
happy
braver
stronger.
You should me
love
beauty
myself.
It wasn't always
easy,
but the good times were
amazing.
I won't forget
how you made me feel
how you changed me
you.
You will always be
in my heart,
a sweet memory.
And for all this
I thank you,
the one who gave me
wings.
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
BFF in Indiana
My bestest friend in this entire world, Kirsten, came to visit me in Indiana for a week, November 3-10. We went shopping, took a tour a DeBrand Chocolate Factory, explored an old Amish antique store, ate hot dogs at Fort Wayne's Famous Coney Island, visited Toledo's Museum of Art, played on Lake Erie's beach, had a game night with friends, and had a grand time! Oh my gosh, I love her so freaking much!
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
The Cutest Essay Ever!
A LOOK INTO THE HEARTS OF MEN
(an essay written by a guy pouring his heart out to all women)
written by Michael Levi Moore
There is no way for everyone to be happy without someone getting hurt. you can try all you want, and you will be lucky to succeed, but nothing of any value comes without a price. I found out that the person I truly loved is still the person i will truly love forever. i also found out that there is such thing as a lesser form of love that is not "puppy love" or "lust" or anything in between. this is the kind of love people have when they are just between the ages of "beginner dater" and "will you marry me". this is the time where you learn what true love is. you learn that you do in fact love every girlfriend/boyfriend you have recently had, but you just don’t love them as much as one loves their future spouse. they say little kids have "puppy love", and that is true. they say you have eternal love for your spouse. that is also true. but there is a type of love they have left out completely. that is the type of love i am talking about. that is the "lesser" form of love.
Also, here is a lesson for all you women who think you are ugly or don’t deserve the guy who loves you: YOU MEAN THE WORLD TO US!!!! WE COULDNT CARE IF EVERYONE ELSE ALIVE THOUGHT YOU WERE THE UGLIEST PERSON TO EVER LIVE!!!! THERE ARE THINGS WE LOVE ABOUT YOU THAT MAKE LOOKS OBSOLETE!!! in reality, you really may not deserve our attention. but we could care less what you really deserve. we think you deserve to sit on a throne in heaven as one of God's best and brightest subjects. if we could give you one thing, it would be what sanity we have left after deciding what we would give you that would mean more than anything else in the world. the truth of it is this: we would give you the world and everything in it, if it were in our power to do so. there are soo many things we want to tell you that cant even be put into words. there are feelings soo strong that neither death, distance, or hell could weaken, much less break. such are the feelings we hold for you. the smart guys realize that women in general, yes every single one, are something worth giving your life for. even the most wretched girl alive has something that no other person alive has: a spirit like their's. there is no one alive who matches up to you, no matter what anyone says.
The only way to describe it is to say that were women (once again every single one) any better, they would be the closest thing we would have to a perfect example of the love and power and beauty of God. i am not saying God is less great than he is, i am just saying that to us, you are the most amazing creation God ever made.
Lesson number two: we don’t understand why you feel the need to try and make yourself soo much better just to please us. the only guys who need any convincing of your true beauty are the ones addicted to filthy thoughts, whos perfect example is the one they see naked on a stand. those are not the type of guys you should be trying to impress. the ones who see you for who you really are, those are the ones worth trying to impress. and trust me, all you have to do to impress a good guy is to be yourself, and not try to flaunt your body parts at us. we could care less about how much skin you show, or how much of a turn on you can be. what really matters to us is your happiness and wellbeing. we would give our lives to protect you from those guys who think beauty is in the appearance of the body. we would rather die a horrid death than allow someone to violate your sacred trust. sometimes, this means we must even protect you from ourselves.
We are not perfect. you may not be perfect either. but together with God, we can become something no living person alive can look down on. we can become something soo great that even the richest kings would be envious of us. we can have something that no amount of money can buy, and no amount of work can equal. they say that the law of nature is balance. namely, that in order to gain anything, you must first present something of equal value. love is a direct violation of that law. there is no price that can be put on love. there is no explanation for it. we can only say that love itself is a miracle.
fortunately for us, we have you as the daughters of God. you provide a reason for us to do our best. you are the reason we seek to improve our lives, to gain an education, to become the best person we can be. you are the reason we as humanity still exist. you help bring life into this world, and you are the reason that each life continues to strive for personal gain. we only seek personal gain so we can have something of value to present to you in hopes it is enough to pleas you and earn your attention.
I hear tons of magazines with articles on "how to get a good man" or "how to get rid of a bad man" or "how to turn a bad man into a good man," but honestly i am here to tell you the truth. a good man is the one who sees the beauty in all women. a good man is the kind who would never turn his back on a woman in need. a good man is one who would give his life for any female, whether he knows them or not. a good man is the kind who will love you for you no matter what you have done in the past, no matter how bad you have been, and will never look down on you as inferior, but rather can see the potential you hold, and praises you often for this potential you hold. he is the man who would give everything he has just to see you smile. he would give his life, his time, his money all just to see you succeed and be happy. if you ever ask a guy what he sees in you, and he acts like he doesn’t know, or gets nervous and suddenly treats you like a queen, this is what he is really trying to tell you. he wants to pour out his heart to you, and tell you things that would probably make you cry for joy and love, but he simply cannot put these feelings to words. if this is not what he means, he will not treat you in a manner which would uphold these feelings.
The difference between love and lust is what your eyes are attracted to the second time you see someone (that is, after you think you might be attracted to someone) . notice i didn’t say the first time you look at someone. if you wonder why you don’t get much attention from the guys, or why you don’t have a lot of boyfriends, it is not your fault. society has put a very high price on physical appearance. this does not mean you are ugly, or even "not as beautiful as her". this does not mean you should change a single thing about yourself to try and please every guy around you. remember, not every guy is worth talking to. this will be hard to believe, but you are beautiful. the eye of a guy is instantly attracted to females who meet the physical standards of those who make a living in flaunting their body parts. sure, you can get someone’s attention by flaunting your body, but do you really want his attention drawn to you by his sexual desires? or would you rather attract a guy who will support you no matter what you look like, no matter who you are? you will, without fail, attract a better guy by flaunting your inner beauty and personality than you would by flaunting those "5 minutes of pleasure" parts. the world has tricked the public into thinking that 5 minutes of pleasure is a better reward than an eternity of true happiness. trust me, you do not want to go through eternity with someone who will stare at your body more than your soul.
Yes, i know this essay might be telling you to turn away from someone you thought was worth your time. i am not trying to tell you what to do. i am simply begging you to realize that the best guys are those who could care less how you compare to a half naked woman posted on the front of a magazine. i try to be the kind of person who finds friends by their better qualities and their personality over their looks. i am not alone. there are hundreds out there like me who realize that the best qualities to look for will still be there after you have hit 100 years old. you have to look for them. you have to be willing to turn away from those who do not meet these standards.
I am begging you to see that you will be better of having a little bit of pain now, and turning away from that "totally hot" guy, and turning toward the "almost as good" guy who will give you everything you could ever ask for. yes the "totally hot" guy might be the same guy who will give you everything you ever wanted. if so, GO FOR IT!!! but take this warning with you: be careful. think about what you really want. think about where you really want to be in 50 years. if what the guy has to offer is not what you will be seeking in 50 years, do not think you can simply change the guy to make him give you what you want. it rarely works this way. you are better off sacrificing looks for quality. in heaven, when we are there for eternity, we will know whether we have made a wise choice. think about what you will think 500 years from now, when we are all with our loved ones in that eternal world. will you say "i picked the right guy" or will you say "i wish i had thought a little more about my future"? it is my hope and prayer that you will take this essay to heart and see that sometimes, a painful sacrifice now can mean eternal blessings in your future. remember, love is eternal, and while puppy love may be fun, it can only prepare you for the "lesser love" which also only prepares you for "eternal" love. may you all find the best "eternal" love you could ever ask for. i love you all. thank you!
(feel free to post this anywhere you like, just please do not twist the meaning of this essay. i have poured out my heart in this essay, and if i read it in some newspaper in 20 years, i would like to see it mean just as much to me then as it does now. thank you!)
Michael Levi Moore
written 3-5-2007
(an essay written by a guy pouring his heart out to all women)
written by Michael Levi Moore
There is no way for everyone to be happy without someone getting hurt. you can try all you want, and you will be lucky to succeed, but nothing of any value comes without a price. I found out that the person I truly loved is still the person i will truly love forever. i also found out that there is such thing as a lesser form of love that is not "puppy love" or "lust" or anything in between. this is the kind of love people have when they are just between the ages of "beginner dater" and "will you marry me". this is the time where you learn what true love is. you learn that you do in fact love every girlfriend/boyfriend you have recently had, but you just don’t love them as much as one loves their future spouse. they say little kids have "puppy love", and that is true. they say you have eternal love for your spouse. that is also true. but there is a type of love they have left out completely. that is the type of love i am talking about. that is the "lesser" form of love.
Also, here is a lesson for all you women who think you are ugly or don’t deserve the guy who loves you: YOU MEAN THE WORLD TO US!!!! WE COULDNT CARE IF EVERYONE ELSE ALIVE THOUGHT YOU WERE THE UGLIEST PERSON TO EVER LIVE!!!! THERE ARE THINGS WE LOVE ABOUT YOU THAT MAKE LOOKS OBSOLETE!!! in reality, you really may not deserve our attention. but we could care less what you really deserve. we think you deserve to sit on a throne in heaven as one of God's best and brightest subjects. if we could give you one thing, it would be what sanity we have left after deciding what we would give you that would mean more than anything else in the world. the truth of it is this: we would give you the world and everything in it, if it were in our power to do so. there are soo many things we want to tell you that cant even be put into words. there are feelings soo strong that neither death, distance, or hell could weaken, much less break. such are the feelings we hold for you. the smart guys realize that women in general, yes every single one, are something worth giving your life for. even the most wretched girl alive has something that no other person alive has: a spirit like their's. there is no one alive who matches up to you, no matter what anyone says.
The only way to describe it is to say that were women (once again every single one) any better, they would be the closest thing we would have to a perfect example of the love and power and beauty of God. i am not saying God is less great than he is, i am just saying that to us, you are the most amazing creation God ever made.
Lesson number two: we don’t understand why you feel the need to try and make yourself soo much better just to please us. the only guys who need any convincing of your true beauty are the ones addicted to filthy thoughts, whos perfect example is the one they see naked on a stand. those are not the type of guys you should be trying to impress. the ones who see you for who you really are, those are the ones worth trying to impress. and trust me, all you have to do to impress a good guy is to be yourself, and not try to flaunt your body parts at us. we could care less about how much skin you show, or how much of a turn on you can be. what really matters to us is your happiness and wellbeing. we would give our lives to protect you from those guys who think beauty is in the appearance of the body. we would rather die a horrid death than allow someone to violate your sacred trust. sometimes, this means we must even protect you from ourselves.
We are not perfect. you may not be perfect either. but together with God, we can become something no living person alive can look down on. we can become something soo great that even the richest kings would be envious of us. we can have something that no amount of money can buy, and no amount of work can equal. they say that the law of nature is balance. namely, that in order to gain anything, you must first present something of equal value. love is a direct violation of that law. there is no price that can be put on love. there is no explanation for it. we can only say that love itself is a miracle.
fortunately for us, we have you as the daughters of God. you provide a reason for us to do our best. you are the reason we seek to improve our lives, to gain an education, to become the best person we can be. you are the reason we as humanity still exist. you help bring life into this world, and you are the reason that each life continues to strive for personal gain. we only seek personal gain so we can have something of value to present to you in hopes it is enough to pleas you and earn your attention.
I hear tons of magazines with articles on "how to get a good man" or "how to get rid of a bad man" or "how to turn a bad man into a good man," but honestly i am here to tell you the truth. a good man is the one who sees the beauty in all women. a good man is the kind who would never turn his back on a woman in need. a good man is one who would give his life for any female, whether he knows them or not. a good man is the kind who will love you for you no matter what you have done in the past, no matter how bad you have been, and will never look down on you as inferior, but rather can see the potential you hold, and praises you often for this potential you hold. he is the man who would give everything he has just to see you smile. he would give his life, his time, his money all just to see you succeed and be happy. if you ever ask a guy what he sees in you, and he acts like he doesn’t know, or gets nervous and suddenly treats you like a queen, this is what he is really trying to tell you. he wants to pour out his heart to you, and tell you things that would probably make you cry for joy and love, but he simply cannot put these feelings to words. if this is not what he means, he will not treat you in a manner which would uphold these feelings.
The difference between love and lust is what your eyes are attracted to the second time you see someone (that is, after you think you might be attracted to someone) . notice i didn’t say the first time you look at someone. if you wonder why you don’t get much attention from the guys, or why you don’t have a lot of boyfriends, it is not your fault. society has put a very high price on physical appearance. this does not mean you are ugly, or even "not as beautiful as her". this does not mean you should change a single thing about yourself to try and please every guy around you. remember, not every guy is worth talking to. this will be hard to believe, but you are beautiful. the eye of a guy is instantly attracted to females who meet the physical standards of those who make a living in flaunting their body parts. sure, you can get someone’s attention by flaunting your body, but do you really want his attention drawn to you by his sexual desires? or would you rather attract a guy who will support you no matter what you look like, no matter who you are? you will, without fail, attract a better guy by flaunting your inner beauty and personality than you would by flaunting those "5 minutes of pleasure" parts. the world has tricked the public into thinking that 5 minutes of pleasure is a better reward than an eternity of true happiness. trust me, you do not want to go through eternity with someone who will stare at your body more than your soul.
Yes, i know this essay might be telling you to turn away from someone you thought was worth your time. i am not trying to tell you what to do. i am simply begging you to realize that the best guys are those who could care less how you compare to a half naked woman posted on the front of a magazine. i try to be the kind of person who finds friends by their better qualities and their personality over their looks. i am not alone. there are hundreds out there like me who realize that the best qualities to look for will still be there after you have hit 100 years old. you have to look for them. you have to be willing to turn away from those who do not meet these standards.
I am begging you to see that you will be better of having a little bit of pain now, and turning away from that "totally hot" guy, and turning toward the "almost as good" guy who will give you everything you could ever ask for. yes the "totally hot" guy might be the same guy who will give you everything you ever wanted. if so, GO FOR IT!!! but take this warning with you: be careful. think about what you really want. think about where you really want to be in 50 years. if what the guy has to offer is not what you will be seeking in 50 years, do not think you can simply change the guy to make him give you what you want. it rarely works this way. you are better off sacrificing looks for quality. in heaven, when we are there for eternity, we will know whether we have made a wise choice. think about what you will think 500 years from now, when we are all with our loved ones in that eternal world. will you say "i picked the right guy" or will you say "i wish i had thought a little more about my future"? it is my hope and prayer that you will take this essay to heart and see that sometimes, a painful sacrifice now can mean eternal blessings in your future. remember, love is eternal, and while puppy love may be fun, it can only prepare you for the "lesser love" which also only prepares you for "eternal" love. may you all find the best "eternal" love you could ever ask for. i love you all. thank you!
(feel free to post this anywhere you like, just please do not twist the meaning of this essay. i have poured out my heart in this essay, and if i read it in some newspaper in 20 years, i would like to see it mean just as much to me then as it does now. thank you!)
Michael Levi Moore
written 3-5-2007
Sunday, November 8, 2009
Friday, October 30, 2009
Columbus Temple
Last Saturday, after the ward's youth temple trip was cancelled due to H1N1, the family decided to go to the Columbus, Ohio temple to do ordinances. The twins and I did baptisms while Mom and Dad did initiatories. It was a blustery day, but very nice to go to the temple.
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
God Doesn’t Make a No-Good Nothing, So My Story is Gonna be Good
Just some thoughts...
I started writing as an escape--an escape from the hardships of reality. Sure, I wrote about bloody battles and jipped princesses and dark secrets, but they weren't my own. I could make fictional characters go through worse things than I was dealing with, and I would know the outcome. Whether they had a happy ending.
One main reason why I love writing so much is that I can understand my characters. I form them, I create them, I give them personalities, I KNOW them. I know how they'll react to a certain situation, if their intentions are true and good, what kind of chicks they dig.
Reality is messy. Reality is confusing. Reality has no 'back' button. You make a decision, you're stuck with the consequences. You can't go back and erase your mistakes, rewrite your past.
Reality is unpredictable. Who knows what tomorrow brings? We don't know the plot to our stories. We don't know how a situation will turn out, who will be our friends or our enemies in the end, who will fight for us or simply walk away.
When I write, I know what one character will say and how another character will react. And it always turns out how I planned it. The story will have a happy ending if I chose to give it one.
As a writer, I believe I spend too much time fantasizing. Because I'm used to getting what I want in a book, because I can control my characters and tell them what to do and know what will happen, I'm frustrated by how I have no control in reality. In my novels, I can make someone appear at an opportune time. I can live my romantic fantasies through my characters, I can travel the world, I can create things out of thin air and speak foreign languages. I can ride unicorns and flirt with handsome, immortal knights in shining armor. When I kill off a romantic interest, I can know that the heroine will recover and everything will work out perfectly.
However, in reality, we are the heroes and heroines of our own stories, our lives. But we're not the author. When we're faced with trials, we don't know how things will turn out. We don't KNOW that we'll recover. Sometimes the world is as black as death and we can't even begin to imagine a light at the end of our tunnel. Who knows there will even be a light? What if it's just the headlights to the train?
In reality, I can't control those around me. I can't make someone appear, POOF, at my door when I need them. I don't know how people are going to react to what I say or do; I can guess, but I can't KNOW. I can write my own novels and play God to those characters, those people who live and breathe only in my imagination, but outside of my novels, I'm a pawn.
So who is the author to our stories? Who has all the plots points of our lives written down? Who knows what's around the next corner, who knows who will come into our lives, who will rescue us from the fiery clutches of the dragon that is life, who knows how our story will end.
Our Author is God. God has a plan for us; He knows what we need and what will help us grow and reach our full potential. Each of our stories is different, unique to us, and he's written them all down. And just how I cry when my characters are in pain, how I laugh when they're happy, God cries when we have struggles, He laughs along with us. And though I may not always agree with what God writes into my life, though there are things I'd alter and other things I'd add, my life is in God's hands.
I may not understand everything--it helps me relate to my characters. They must get so frustrated with me--and I may not know what lies ahead, but I have faith that if I do what God wants me to do, my story will have a happy ending. Complete with a Prince Charming.
I started writing as an escape--an escape from the hardships of reality. Sure, I wrote about bloody battles and jipped princesses and dark secrets, but they weren't my own. I could make fictional characters go through worse things than I was dealing with, and I would know the outcome. Whether they had a happy ending.
One main reason why I love writing so much is that I can understand my characters. I form them, I create them, I give them personalities, I KNOW them. I know how they'll react to a certain situation, if their intentions are true and good, what kind of chicks they dig.
Reality is messy. Reality is confusing. Reality has no 'back' button. You make a decision, you're stuck with the consequences. You can't go back and erase your mistakes, rewrite your past.
Reality is unpredictable. Who knows what tomorrow brings? We don't know the plot to our stories. We don't know how a situation will turn out, who will be our friends or our enemies in the end, who will fight for us or simply walk away.
When I write, I know what one character will say and how another character will react. And it always turns out how I planned it. The story will have a happy ending if I chose to give it one.
As a writer, I believe I spend too much time fantasizing. Because I'm used to getting what I want in a book, because I can control my characters and tell them what to do and know what will happen, I'm frustrated by how I have no control in reality. In my novels, I can make someone appear at an opportune time. I can live my romantic fantasies through my characters, I can travel the world, I can create things out of thin air and speak foreign languages. I can ride unicorns and flirt with handsome, immortal knights in shining armor. When I kill off a romantic interest, I can know that the heroine will recover and everything will work out perfectly.
However, in reality, we are the heroes and heroines of our own stories, our lives. But we're not the author. When we're faced with trials, we don't know how things will turn out. We don't KNOW that we'll recover. Sometimes the world is as black as death and we can't even begin to imagine a light at the end of our tunnel. Who knows there will even be a light? What if it's just the headlights to the train?
In reality, I can't control those around me. I can't make someone appear, POOF, at my door when I need them. I don't know how people are going to react to what I say or do; I can guess, but I can't KNOW. I can write my own novels and play God to those characters, those people who live and breathe only in my imagination, but outside of my novels, I'm a pawn.
So who is the author to our stories? Who has all the plots points of our lives written down? Who knows what's around the next corner, who knows who will come into our lives, who will rescue us from the fiery clutches of the dragon that is life, who knows how our story will end.
Our Author is God. God has a plan for us; He knows what we need and what will help us grow and reach our full potential. Each of our stories is different, unique to us, and he's written them all down. And just how I cry when my characters are in pain, how I laugh when they're happy, God cries when we have struggles, He laughs along with us. And though I may not always agree with what God writes into my life, though there are things I'd alter and other things I'd add, my life is in God's hands.
I may not understand everything--it helps me relate to my characters. They must get so frustrated with me--and I may not know what lies ahead, but I have faith that if I do what God wants me to do, my story will have a happy ending. Complete with a Prince Charming.
Friday, October 9, 2009
My First Job
Lately, I've been on a search for a job. I've filled out and turned in countless applications, and in the last week I've gone to two job interviews. One was for Journey's Kids, a shoe store, and it was a group interview and everyone else had a better resume and stronger answers (and I felt overdressed because everyone else were skaters) than I did, and it was purely awkward. The other was at Soho, a hair supply kiosk at the mall. They sell "fake hair" clips, sparkly hair clips and headbands and mirrors and etc. This was a one-on-one interview and the woman was very nice and I went home feeling pretty good about it. That was two days ago; today, I received a call from the Soho woman, Lindsay, and I got the job! =D I start on Monday.
The only requirements of the job are that I have to wear the products and look good. Which I can do ;) JUST KIDDING! Which means Lindsay, with whom I will always be working, will do my hair every day I work. Chyess!
I will be approaching customers and selling (hopefully) products. I will go through a three-week training process where I will memorize the products and the numbers to the colors of the hair extentions and how to best approach customers and be the best sales person I can. After the training process, my pay will bump up from $6.25 an hour to $7.25 an hour plus a percentage of my commissions, and if I sell enough products, I'll get a bonus on my percentages.
For the three weeks of training process, I will work three days a week, three hours a day. After the training process, my hours may increase. I love the hours, honestly, because it will allow me to still have time to do other things during the week.
I am very excited for this job! It sounds so much fun. I hope it goes well. =)
The only requirements of the job are that I have to wear the products and look good. Which I can do ;) JUST KIDDING! Which means Lindsay, with whom I will always be working, will do my hair every day I work. Chyess!
I will be approaching customers and selling (hopefully) products. I will go through a three-week training process where I will memorize the products and the numbers to the colors of the hair extentions and how to best approach customers and be the best sales person I can. After the training process, my pay will bump up from $6.25 an hour to $7.25 an hour plus a percentage of my commissions, and if I sell enough products, I'll get a bonus on my percentages.
For the three weeks of training process, I will work three days a week, three hours a day. After the training process, my hours may increase. I love the hours, honestly, because it will allow me to still have time to do other things during the week.
I am very excited for this job! It sounds so much fun. I hope it goes well. =)
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