Essay: A Boy Worth Fighting For

A BOY WORTH FIGHTING FOR
Jillian Suzann Newell

For thousands of years, males have been the dominate gender, possessing all the power and control and respect of the world, while women were placed lower on the totem pole and good only for things the men refused to do. However, in recent generations women have stood up for their rights and fought for general equality. In our society today, women hold positions of power, running businesses and evens sects of the government. Women have the same rights as men—we are equal. Nonetheless, lately a perverse idea has been spreading like the plague—that, since women were victimized for so long and have since proven their capability of doing a “man’s work,” women deserve to be treated with more respect and regard than men, as penance for men’s past faults.

Is this right? Is this morally sound? My argument is that it is not. Society agrees that men’s prejudices against women were immoral, so why would it be acceptable for women to assume authority over men?

I have to admit, I once supported this mindset. In relationships, I thought it appropriate for the boy to fight for, to change for, to impress me, the girl. That if he truly cared for me, the only way he would deserve me was to make sacrifices and practically battle a dragon and cross scorching deserts to win my heart. He would be everything I wanted. He would love me for me, exactly as I am.

The hard truth is, no one is perfect, and relationships are about compromise. However wonderful a certain boy may be, there might be something about him that constantly irks you, something you don’t believe you could tolerate for the rest of your life, or even until next week. It could be small, such as he bites his fingernails; or large, like a nicotine addiction. Because he doesn’t exactly fit into your Prince Charming mold, should you throw him out and any future you might have had together?

The choice is yours, of course, but I would recommend not giving up on him just yet. You may think, “But love isn’t finding a perfect person. It’s seeing an imperfect person perfectly. It’s loving them for them; it’s thinking their quirks are cute.”

Every relationship you enter, be it with a boy or the relationship you have with your best friend, teaches you things and helps you grow into the person you are meant to be. You should never try to change who someone truly is to fit your “perfect” mold, but if you think about it, an addiction to a harmful substance really isn’t a part of who a person really is.

Perhaps your boy isn’t quite the gentleman you hoped him to be—maybe he forgets to open a door for you, or goes before you, or never says “Please.” But you know what? The true gentlemen out there had to learn their manners from someone, most likely a significant woman in his life—his mother, his grandmother, his sister, or his girlfriend. Perhaps your boy just never had someone to teach him; he might not even know what he’s doing—or isn’t doing—is wrong and not how you want to be treated. So tell him; if he cares, he’ll listen and do his best to change into the boy you need.
Maybe you are a part of his life, with your inbred disgust to smoking, to give him the incentive to break his habit and give him a brighter future. Maybe you dream of Fred Astaire and a gentleman because you are the girl who will inspire your boy to improve his manners. Maybe you are just what he needs.

Similarly, just as he may have faults, you do, too. Whether you accept them, you still do. And just as you may have complaints about something he does, he might have complaints about something you do. You could be over-possessive, eat with your mouth open, or even wear way too much makeup. Because something about you bothers him, it most certainly doesn’t mean he’s not worth keeping around. You might have to alter your mannerisms, but change is growth. Compromise is strength.

If you feel like he’s changing you into someone you never wanted to be, or he’s pressuring you to become someone you’re not, that’s when you should leave. There are quirks about people that should not be altered—like their laugh, their humor, their dreams, how much they love toe socks or Mexican food. That’s who they really are, and that’s what should release the butterflies in your tummy—that’s what they should love about you.

Girls, you all deserve a boy who is willing to fight for you, and you shouldn't settle for less. But really, you don't deserve that boy if you aren't willing to fight for him. You both have to give. Love isn’t one-sided, and it’s bound to fail if only one of you is putting forth effort.

Think about your dream man: Is he lazy, a slacker, cruel, or “easy”? Or is he hard-working, ambitious, kind and thoughtful, and virtuous? (Which type would you consider worth fighting for? Exactly. If you want a man with high-aspirations and a potentially bright future, you will have to meet those expectations. Be the woman you would want your man to want. Don’t simply look for a great companion; be a great companion.)

Of course, you want to be a girl worth fighting for, and you should. But honestly, don’t you want a boy worth fighting for? A boy you would do anything for, give anything to have. Again, when you find him, you should.

He’s worth it.

© 2010 Jillian Suzann Newell